Empires Mod FAQ: Difference between revisions
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== What is the best way to describe Empires Mod? == | == What is the best way to describe Empires Mod? == | ||
Imagine you were born in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK, aka North Korea) and live in the northern part of the nation, which is known for famine, emigration and death. However you do not care about that, because you realize that looking at Eternal Leader Kim Il Sung makes you realize just how awesome you have it compared to, say, Nigeria or Transnistria. Before succumbing due to lack of food you look at Eternal Leader's portrait for the 7162,133th and last time and smile knowing that he is dead and that things weren't meant to suck quite as bad. | |||
Now, imagine you are born in the United States of America with a tank fetish. You see a game known only as ''Empires'' and play until dead, saddened that your social life has taken a dive into the negatives until this occurs. Unlike the DPRK however, you die knowing that things really are meant to suck this bad whereas in the DPRK you can blame geographical locations and a lack of trade. | |||
== What games are similar to Empires Mod? == | == What games are similar to Empires Mod? == | ||
Any game where you shoot someone and take control of tanks and smash into other tanks because you're a retarded bastard who eats his own s—also look into the ''Battlefield'' series. | |||
== How much does the mod cost? == | == How much does the mod cost? == | ||
2017 is the year the mod is expected to go into the retail phase under the 200-year contract signed between Abdullāh Krenzo ibn al-Ibrāhīm and a lonely Albanian merchant recruited by Electronic Arts in an effort for the national GDP to rise by 78%. | |||
== Who is currently developing the mod? == | == Who is currently developing the mod? == | ||
Previously mentioned Abdullāh Krenzo together with 'Alī Duke al-Hisham, Muhammad Megel, Abdul el-Richardo (from Egypt!) and some other people after the original team members lost their jobs due to outsourcing. | |||
== Where can I join an Empires Mod Clan? == | == Where can I join an Empires Mod Clan? == | ||
You must first buy a goat. Once you have accomplished this you must travel to Albania. Ignore the fact that you probably live in the U.S.A. and that you're separated from it due to a vast array of something known as the Atlantic Ocean; you can just swim in that case and ''then'' buy the damn goat. After accomplishing this (read: reaching whatever continent you happen to land on) you must traverse said continent which is dangerous; particularly if you're in Mauritania or the Netherlands. After surviving a vast array of pointed objects/bullets/drugs/angrynationalistswhowanttosecuretheirlandsagainsttheevilserbs/croatians/albanians/kosovars/bosnians/turks/montenegrins/english/jews/roma/etc (will vary depending on which way you enter) you will thus reach Albania. You will then go to a man known as Gjergj Falëri who doesn't exist. | |||
Actually just go to the [[clan listing]] page. Granted, mystical goat ride to Albania > mundane click, but there you go. | |||
== Why can't I find any aircraft? == | == Why can't I find any aircraft? == | ||
Because none exist, although we are currently looking into this albeit with previous luck we may be able to implement aircraft in for the first time without the effects of horrible, crippling lag or a small bug causing your computer to be seized by Satan who will then exit the game and visit www.hotmoroccanmonkies.ma and simultaneously delete your folder of pornography. The reason why such a thing is possible is because.... | |||
== Why is the game unstable at times? == | == Why is the game unstable at times? == | ||
After a lengthy day of moving nuclear waste from point A to B or tending to supplies or whatever it is naval technicians do, Krenzo goes home and stares at his avatar for about two hours in order to regain emotions like 'enjoyment' and 'sex drive'. After doing this he makes the mistake of checking the forums he runs back in horror to his vessel and works overtime in hopes of being promoted to Supreme Admiral-Technician of the Nuclear Storage Sector or whatever which takes about four hours. With an impressive 3 hours left of living a life described as 'human', Krenzo directs his team of outsourced peons to work harder which is fairly hard as 97.8% of their time consists of screaming "OH GOD KRENZO WHERE ARE YOU NOOOO" repeatedly into his answering machine until it breaks forcing him to buy another one thus lowering his funds for the day to $6 and a nickel. | |||
When forced to work via insanity induced by repeated phone ringing, he takes on a demonic character and writes code both in his editing software and on his monitor, causing the resulting ''thistotallyworks.txt'' to be naïvely put into the actual game code thus causing said horrible lag and Moroccan affairs. | |||
== Where can I download some custom maps? == | == Where can I download some custom maps? == | ||
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== Where can I find out even more about Empires Mod? == | == Where can I find out even more about Empires Mod? == | ||
Hold the website/forum hostage to a DDoS attack. In the best case scenario Krenzo himself will personally lead a UN-backed diplomatic envoy to your house and hand you a 8000-page report on the current state of Empires which will answer most of your questions. In the worst case scenario you will be banned. | |||
== What Should I Do to Fight This Case of Vandalism? == | |||
Post it in the Blackhole and state that it must be freed from the evil influence of Judaism and/or Dee. (Specifically the latter) | |||
Revision as of 06:54, 7 April 2008
Home > Empires Mod FAQ
What is the best way to describe Empires Mod?
Imagine you were born in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK, aka North Korea) and live in the northern part of the nation, which is known for famine, emigration and death. However you do not care about that, because you realize that looking at Eternal Leader Kim Il Sung makes you realize just how awesome you have it compared to, say, Nigeria or Transnistria. Before succumbing due to lack of food you look at Eternal Leader's portrait for the 7162,133th and last time and smile knowing that he is dead and that things weren't meant to suck quite as bad.
Now, imagine you are born in the United States of America with a tank fetish. You see a game known only as Empires and play until dead, saddened that your social life has taken a dive into the negatives until this occurs. Unlike the DPRK however, you die knowing that things really are meant to suck this bad whereas in the DPRK you can blame geographical locations and a lack of trade.
What games are similar to Empires Mod?
Any game where you shoot someone and take control of tanks and smash into other tanks because you're a retarded bastard who eats his own s—also look into the Battlefield series.
How much does the mod cost?
2017 is the year the mod is expected to go into the retail phase under the 200-year contract signed between Abdullāh Krenzo ibn al-Ibrāhīm and a lonely Albanian merchant recruited by Electronic Arts in an effort for the national GDP to rise by 78%.
Who is currently developing the mod?
Previously mentioned Abdullāh Krenzo together with 'Alī Duke al-Hisham, Muhammad Megel, Abdul el-Richardo (from Egypt!) and some other people after the original team members lost their jobs due to outsourcing.
Where can I join an Empires Mod Clan?
You must first buy a goat. Once you have accomplished this you must travel to Albania. Ignore the fact that you probably live in the U.S.A. and that you're separated from it due to a vast array of something known as the Atlantic Ocean; you can just swim in that case and then buy the damn goat. After accomplishing this (read: reaching whatever continent you happen to land on) you must traverse said continent which is dangerous; particularly if you're in Mauritania or the Netherlands. After surviving a vast array of pointed objects/bullets/drugs/angrynationalistswhowanttosecuretheirlandsagainsttheevilserbs/croatians/albanians/kosovars/bosnians/turks/montenegrins/english/jews/roma/etc (will vary depending on which way you enter) you will thus reach Albania. You will then go to a man known as Gjergj Falëri who doesn't exist.
Actually just go to the clan listing page. Granted, mystical goat ride to Albania > mundane click, but there you go.
Why can't I find any aircraft?
Because none exist, although we are currently looking into this albeit with previous luck we may be able to implement aircraft in for the first time without the effects of horrible, crippling lag or a small bug causing your computer to be seized by Satan who will then exit the game and visit www.hotmoroccanmonkies.ma and simultaneously delete your folder of pornography. The reason why such a thing is possible is because....
Why is the game unstable at times?
After a lengthy day of moving nuclear waste from point A to B or tending to supplies or whatever it is naval technicians do, Krenzo goes home and stares at his avatar for about two hours in order to regain emotions like 'enjoyment' and 'sex drive'. After doing this he makes the mistake of checking the forums he runs back in horror to his vessel and works overtime in hopes of being promoted to Supreme Admiral-Technician of the Nuclear Storage Sector or whatever which takes about four hours. With an impressive 3 hours left of living a life described as 'human', Krenzo directs his team of outsourced peons to work harder which is fairly hard as 97.8% of their time consists of screaming "OH GOD KRENZO WHERE ARE YOU NOOOO" repeatedly into his answering machine until it breaks forcing him to buy another one thus lowering his funds for the day to $6 and a nickel.
When forced to work via insanity induced by repeated phone ringing, he takes on a demonic character and writes code both in his editing software and on his monitor, causing the resulting thistotallyworks.txt to be naïvely put into the actual game code thus causing said horrible lag and Moroccan affairs.
Where can I download some custom maps?
At the moment there is no specific custom map centre for Empires Mod, keep an eye on the Forums, as well as the Maps section here on the wiki.
Custom maps utilized in Empires League matches can be found here: Empires League Fileserver
Where can I find out even more about Empires Mod?
Hold the website/forum hostage to a DDoS attack. In the best case scenario Krenzo himself will personally lead a UN-backed diplomatic envoy to your house and hand you a 8000-page report on the current state of Empires which will answer most of your questions. In the worst case scenario you will be banned.
What Should I Do to Fight This Case of Vandalism?
Post it in the Blackhole and state that it must be freed from the evil influence of Judaism and/or Dee. (Specifically the latter)